Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
