I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
