Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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