That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
