there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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