So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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