So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
