This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
