what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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