I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
