the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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