not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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