then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
