Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Please don't give away my fajitas
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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