When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
