Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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