i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this just has baby written all over it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
