i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
