Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
