I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
