His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
