Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
