lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
