dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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