I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
