I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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