This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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