gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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