I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
