I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
