The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
