At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
