ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
