My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize