guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
