1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bring me that man meat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
