Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
