help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize