He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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