Non-Jews are for practice
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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