I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My balls are so social today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
