did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You are a genius and a whore.
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