Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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