people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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