Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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