I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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