Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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