I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
