sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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