remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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