Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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