oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
