I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
