Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
