the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
