This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
