Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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