im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
