fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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