He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
