Apparently you make a good broom.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
