We won't sleep together?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
