is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
