can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
