I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
