Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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