I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
